Saturday, January 21, 2012

I want to feel special


All I keep thinking to myself is that I want to feel special.  I want to feel special!!!  I scream it in my head over and over again.  I guess I don’t feel very special at this time.  It is a hard task, keeping me happy or should I say not unhappy.  I make good situations into terrible tragedies.  I fuck up whenever I can, whenever I want to.  I don’t give a fuck sometimes.  But, beyond being able to curse, what am I good at?  Am I really writing this stuff for anyone?  Does anyone care about how I post whenever I am bursting forth with emotion?  It feels good to me.  I’m gonna keep doing it, it is better than having a diary that I carry around, and someone can find it and read it and know all about me.  I mean, that’s what I want, for people to want to read about me, but I don’t want you to be able to use the information against me in any meaningful way.  I can take some stranger’s assessment of the situation, they are truly clueless and only know what I want them to know.  But people in real life, that is another story.  They are closer to the truth and I find myself in the wrong quite often.  But my diary is where I should win.  I am always right and true and honorable yada yada yada.  You know, all the good stuff. 

No comments: