All I keep thinking to myself is that I want to feel
special. I want to feel special!!! I scream it in my head over and over
again. I guess I don’t feel very special
at this time. It is a hard task, keeping
me happy or should I say not unhappy. I
make good situations into terrible tragedies.
I fuck up whenever I can, whenever I want to. I don’t give a fuck sometimes. But, beyond being able to curse, what am I
good at? Am I really writing this stuff
for anyone? Does anyone care about how I
post whenever I am bursting forth with emotion?
It feels good to me. I’m gonna
keep doing it, it is better than having a diary that I carry around, and
someone can find it and read it and know all about me. I mean, that’s what I want, for people to
want to read about me, but I don’t want you to be able to use the information
against me in any meaningful way. I can
take some stranger’s assessment of the situation, they are truly clueless and
only know what I want them to know. But
people in real life, that is another story.
They are closer to the truth and I find myself in the wrong quite
often. But my diary is where I should
win. I am always right and true and
honorable yada yada yada. You know, all
the good stuff.
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