YEAAAAHHHH!!!

Whattup Blogspot???

I guess I am still a little crunk from last night.  Went out to the local bar last night and saw my best friend from high school, I still love the shit out of her.  I go through rough spots with all my friends and I miss them from time to time.  I wish I could bury the hatchet with one in particular, but we are more frenemies than anything else so I will let that one go.  Still, every now-and-then, I get the urge to call her up and ask if we can just squash this beef like Nas and Jay-Z.  But what I forget, is this is not that kind of beef.  It is more like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag.  And I still do not know the details of the beef in either of those situations, but I do know, much like my own beef, these females are not having that shit!  Granted I am the Paris/Heidi in this fight, complete with me getting bombed out with her wailing, “You did this to us! You did this!”  Yeah, high drama, but I wasn’t feeling that jazz, so I kept it moving.  Like I said, I think about her every now-and-then but I like my quiet life without her drama, I have to love her from over here.

I smoke to slow myself down

To make the sounds come around

To make the noise feel like down, down, down

I try to hold back the tears that come rushing forth

What are they about?  Why is my thought to cry?

Because I am not pleased with my behavior

The way I behave as if I am unable to control myself

Well look at the plethora of non-accomplishments I have achieved over the years

You should see my college transcripts littered with Ws

I used this method liberally to support my indecisive tendencies

God, I ask for the power to make a decision swiftly and without regret

No more second guessing that has me running around in circles

Two steps forward, three back, to the left, to the right, doubletime…

My mind is going to unwind if I don’t find a way to stop this

That’s that shit right there, that’s that hit right there

No one but me and you can see this thing through. 

Me and Mary Jane, we about to have our last date

I’m feeling like, I need to let her down easy

She might freak out when I tell her I am leaving her

That it has come time to let go of the vision I had for our future together

I realize now that I don’t want to be with her forever

I think I can do better

I KNOW I can do better

I’m not going to let her hold me back anymore

She’s gonna fuss and fight, but she knows I am right.

I will battle back from this, without you

I will make my way down the path

Because it is clear to me

I was meant to be

Me again. I am happy to report that I made some sales this week. One of my sales I actually earned by listening to my friend, identifying what her needs and concerns were and delivering a solution. I am proud of myself and look forward to doing more business this way.

Well, it is time to get up and go outside with my family. I'll check in soon!

I don't know where to post this post. See I have a short attention span and I start a lot of projects without finishing any of them. It is getting very ridiculous.

Currently I am working as a server in a popular Arlington restaurant. I also sell makeup, well, I buy a lot of makeup and sometimes I get the girls around me to get a few things. I am trying to psych myself up to go door to door delivering brochures to my neighbors. But, then I think of all the signs that say "NO SOLICITING", and I rethink my decision. Then I say, "hey! Why don't I mail everyone in the neighborhood?" So, I sent out three brochures earlier this week and it cost me more to mail one than it does to buy five of the books themselves! Well, that idea was not going to work.

My new plan is to take the brochures to the local shopping mall and give the ladies the opportunity to browse and pass the time because there isn't much going on in that mall anymore. I need to get to these kids while they are spending their back to school money! I have the day off from the restaurant tomorrow, and my son has karate class so I am going to gather my brochures and talk to the other women who have children in the class and just get her to take my brochure.

I made the mistake of giving out my brochure, along with some lame excuse that she had to look at it because her kid threw something at me. It's not like I don't love the stuff I sell, I just gotta get out there and promote it.

Night night!

Jumping Out the Window

There are different kinds of people you meet in life. Some you can go party with. Some people you work with and they are cool at work but you are never going to see them out in the world. Others you meet out in the world and never want to work with.

I have had the pleasure of working with all types of people. I have also met all different sorts of people and though they vary I can say that there are basically the same types of people everywhere you go. People are cool. People suck. We are all people and we all suck sometimes, no matter how cool we are.

I try not to let things get to me. I try not to let people effect me. Or is it affect? Anyway, I still let it bother me from time to time that others do not have the same opinions I have. That is something I know I will have to let go of, but for now, I have an issue. I feel like some are not as compassionate as I am, and therefore they are not as good as I am. By good I mean a good person who tries to do the right thing at all times.

When a friend confides in you, you have to remember that it is a blessing that some one has bonded with you to a point where they feel like they can trust you to listen and reply in a caring and compassionate manner whenever necessary. There have been times when my secrets have been blabbed about town or even thrown in my face (less than 24 hours later ya"ll!) and I felt like it was a serious breach of trust. I don't want to deal with the negativity and the bad energy it brings into my life. I want to be happy and enjoy myself. The next time I talk about my man I am gonna be singing his praises. You know??? The good stuff. My son is happy and healthy, my man loves me and does more for me and this family every day. I love my family and want to see us grow and prosper. I wish the same for everyone out there! It would be so nice if we all could spend some time with each other after being with the ones we loved. Maybe we could get some love done.

So it has been a few days, and rightly so because I haven't done anything on my paperwork. I found my receipts for August so I can do my budget and expenses for August. I think I tracked my expenses well in that month so it should be interesting to see what the numbers are.

I feel really good about the work I am putting into this...process. I feel like this is something I will continue doing and eventually it will become a habit. I know I want to buy a house soon because I want to have a child and I cannot have another child until I own a house. I also cannot have another child until I am married but that is another story.

So it all begins here, with my bankruptcy I can begin again, fresh and anew on my way to home ownership. I talked to a graphic designer the other day about making a logo for me but she said she could not get to it anytime soon. I told her that was fine. It works out for me because I have to file before I start any of that stuff to reduce the risk of my current financial woes effecting my business.

I'm really excited, I actually have someone scheduled to do a makeup session this Thursday...or Friday, I forget which day. No worries! I will just bring my kit with me both days so I can be prepared.

I actually told someone I know about my blog...I can't believe I did that! I mean I know I want people to read, why else would I post this on the Internet? But to tell someone I know to be a real person, to read about my broke ass, and then see me again in real life? I never did know when to be ashamed though. I try not to get too down on myself because of this money mess. I know I never want to be in debt like this again. You know I stopped opening my mail because of this mess? It takes a toll on my self-esteem. There are a lot of people out there who will call me a deadbeat but they were not there when I was pregnant trying to move out of an apartment because I came up short that last month of rent. When my roommate decided after 2 months they wanted to move back home. Nah, wasn't there for any of my struggles so don't judge me.

Goodnight, I am really not feeling well but I am keeping myself drugged up and I plan to go to bed now. Hopefully work won't be too bad tomorrow morning and then I have the next day off. I plan to lay around sipping tea and watching trashy daytime TV. By the way, I do not NOT like the short wig on Wendy, I do not like the switch to 10AM even though that is supposed to be a good thing, and I am not feeling the new wardrobe. If these ladies the producers are trying to appeal to did not like the real Wendy they can watch something else! That's my rant.

Toodles!

Drats...

So I am reviewing my paperwork and realize I have missed a deadline by two days. Well, really it would be more than 2 days because I am not ready to file the rest of my paperwork. Still I am disappointed that I will have to work on that part of my paperwork again.

See, to file Chapter 7 bankruptcy, I need to complete a credit counseling session. I chose to work with CCCSF which is the Credit Counseling C? of San Francisco. I had to go through all the debt I had which was like 20 creditors. Then I had to go over ALL my expenses, right down to beer and cigarettes, which I don't smoke, but I think it was funny. It was embarrassing to recount all the debt I have and all the expense I have. I mean even though my income has increased dramatically, I still am not breaking even at the end of the month. There are still variables like food and gas that catch me by surprise every month. I have to plan better, and I have started saving my reciepts and tracking my spending in an Excel spreadsheet. If I feel especially techie, maybe I will post it on here. It works well for me, when I use it, which has not happened in the last few months, but I am about to go through my reciepts for august tonight and I will be caught up in time for September.

So that is my progress for today. I am proud of myself for even looking at this stack of papers today. And maybe it is a good thing that the counseling cert expired because I have more income now and would like a real look at my financial situation. I know I will still need to declare bankruptcy but I want to know how much better things have gotten. Just gotta buckle down and get it finished. It only took me 2 years to get the certificate in the first place, what's another 6 months???